My name is Miss Murphy and today I am going to take on the honorable...
My name is Miss Murphy and today I am going to take on the honorable task of answering your questions. I will start by saying that I am very knowledgeable, experienced, and intelligent, therefore don't be shocked if these answers seem extraordinarily logical. I am a professional after all, with lots of B.S. in Personal Communications. Enough about me, let's get started.
Hi Miss Murphy,
Can you keep this anonymous? I have a problem. I've been talking to this girl for a while now, we had sex fourteen times, and I think I actually like her as a person. What should I do?
-Flustered Bro
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Well, hello there Jeremy from Little Flock, Arkansas. I can see that you have a real issue on your hands. The thing about relationships is that you can't rush into them. You have to test the person you like before you tell them you like them. I suggest you try being mean or cold. Flirt with other girls. It will drive her wild with jealousy, until she decides that you no longer like her. Thats when you ask her out. Remember, if she says no and you're a jerk and a terrible person! she's just being coy. Good luck!
Dear Miss Murphy,
I have a real, problem, not like the previous idiot. I really need your help asap. Theres this guy who keeps stalking me via social media. He follows me on Instagram and Twitter and keeps sending me messages on LinkedIn that say I could really help you with your interview skills, if you know what I mean *winky face*. What should I do?
-Scared Stalkee
Oh my, this is serious. You could block him, but personally, I think it's more effective to take an offensive approach. Don't just ignore him, teach him a lesson! Heres what you should do: create social media profiles under a different identity. Then, you start stalking him! This plan is foolproof, believe me. He will learn how it feels to be stalked himself, not to mention all his time will be consumed with avoiding his stalker: you. Oh my god, I don't think I've ever had a better idea! Let me know how it goes.
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Posted in Photograph Post Date 05/12/2021